I'm going to be completely honest here: Since I came home on March 14, I've alternated between completely and totally believing that I am in the will of God being home with my kids, and feeling utterly, horribly guilty for not going back to work.

Every time Jim and I talk about our finances, or lack thereof, I feel like it's all my fault because I chose to have another baby and stay home. I know that those feelings are not from the Lord and I have to pray them away constantly, but I do have them.

But, everytime I ask my husband if he wants me to go back to work (I've been told that my job will be there when I'm ready to come back), he says No.

And, everytime I pray about it, God sends someone to me to tell me that I'm in the will of God.

The latest one was my Pastor, who also happens to be my ex-"Big-Boss". He told me last Sunday that he had been thinking about me and how much he missed me in the office. But, then he quickly assured me that it was the will of God for me to be home with my children. Nothing earth-shattering. Just the quiet confirmation of the Lord.

I'm reading an e-book that came in the recent sale package from Money-Saving Mom called "Thriving on one income" by Kimberly Eddy. This paragraph really jumped out at me:

"God could have given either of these ladies’ husbands raises in their paycheck, but rather chose to bless them in a more personal way.
This was not something any of them could have
planned for when carefully analyzing whether or not they could make the jump from
a dual-income family to a one income family. God’s provision is often not something
that we can carefully calculate into our budgets."

When we found out that Jason was on the way and decided that I would stay home, we began praying earnestly that God would make up the difference made by the loss of my income. I can't tell you how many doors Jim tried to bust down, trying to make something happen. I prayed specific prayers, "Lord, let his application be illuminated on her desk." Nothing has happened.

Instead, God has provided for us when we need it. Manna from Heaven for that day.

I know in a lot of ways that our journey has just begun, and there are more changes for our family that are coming down the pipeline. But, God continues to reassure me that I'm doing the right thing, that "children are the inheritance of the Lord" and that "verily that shalt be fed."